“Help wanted” signs are in every window but can an eccentric geriatric starlet find a job? Let me tell you how the job search is going. Monday, I had the interview where I had to find the 4th empty parking lot on the right before the bridge in the middle of the CSX Railroad. I found it. My years of being an appraiser in Central Florida allowed me to find plats of land on streets that had no street signs. Much to the horror of my friends, I climbed into a van in that parking lot for my interview. These days I am always locked and loaded and the interviewer was a very nice woman.
And of course, they offered me the job which was to drive the railroad engineers where ever they needed to go. It might be to another train or it might be to their home in Evansville or Anderson. This is a reputable company that services all the railyards coast to coast. I knew of them from my years of running the safety program for Union Pacific. I had to pick the days I would agree to be on-call and then be ready for that phone call, ALL DAY LONG. I would not be paid to wait for the call ALL DAY LONG, the clock would start once I drove to the railyard in Avon. While masks were technically required, there were ways around it. They pay $13 per hour with no guarantee of any hours. I saved them the cost of the drug test. A tow vehicle blocked my car waiting to pick up the van with the “check engine” light on and then had to make a second trip to pick up the van with the flat tire.
Work From Home Payroll Clerk
I applied for a “work from home” payroll clerk. My onboarding representative said she was here to brief me on the “opening” positions. I believe she meant the “open” positions. I was told to introduce myself with sex and age. Really? I sent them a picture and told them I was looking for parttime work to support myself in retirement. They must have liked my photo because they told me the interview would be conducted online and they gave me an interview code, but first they had to verify my identity. I was sent to a site that took me to a shopping cart, hmmm.
I wrote back asking how I could verify my id with a shopping cart. She said she would assist with the process but they had to place a call to me first to let me know the requirements involved. So far it seems like they have the entire process going in reverse. I asked for a specific time for this phone call as I did not want to be in the shower or slitting my wrists when she called. Her reply was she would call me “tomorrow.” I waited the entire day of “tomorrow.” She then asked if I was on “hangouts” or when is it okay to place a call. I told her I was available RIGHT NOW. She never called.
She told me to add “this” email to hangouts as to later send me terms and conditions and other “informations” needed. By this time, I figured out she was probably in Pakistan. I have a lot of experience with companies that operate in Pakistan, why I actually received a marriage proposal not long ago from a telemarketer in Pakistan and this story resulted https://thestoryteller.net/telemarking-marriage-proposal/. I am pretty good at determining if English is a first or second language. All the handsome military men on Facebook Messenger get weeded out very quickly with the power of my linguistics abilities.
New Car Delivery Driver
The next job was with a car delivery company. You purchase your car online out of an actual vending machine. Sounds like the safety program I ran for Union Pacific. The car vending machine company advanced me to the next level after receiving my resume. I was to select several time slots for an interview. They had all times available for “today” so I picked three of them. My phone never rang. The next day I received an email that said they were not available for the times I picked. Wouldn’t you think they would show me the dates they had available? I am just too logical and methodical in my old age. After two days of being ignored, I wrote them back and said I needed an appointment because I had a lot of potential employers calling. I waited another day and got an interview for Friday.
The job entailed detailing the car and then loading it on a car transporter and driving off to points unknown to deliver the car to the new owner. The job required a DOT physical. They said it was simple, they just wanted to make sure I did not have anything like diabetes, high blood pressure or sleep apnea. Good grief, I am 65 years old and in all probability we are likely to have not one but ALL of these conditions. The job was full time and 10 hours a day. We never got to the question if masks were required.
A friend who was also looking for work read my latest blog and sent me a lead for a virtual receptionist. It required a skills test that took 45 minutes. I had to perform a test of my internet speed, a test of my abilities to use short-cut codes to cut and paste, math problems without using a calculator and a whole host of grammar and spelling questions with some obvious Pakistani mistakes I could easily identify. They finalized it with a personality test. I bet that is what ruled me out. I completed the entire assessment ahead of the various timers and knew how to do everything they asked. My friend got her reject letter a day before mine came.
I drove by a funeral home to inquire in-person about opportunities. The guy tried to put a funeral flag on my car thinking I was a friend of the dearly departed. I said I wanted to work there. He said the owners were in Florida but to apply online. There was no online application or even an email. I put in a phone call and got the email address and confirmation that business was booming. No response to my inquiry.
A sweet friend I went to Kindergarten with reached out to me to tell me she and her husband worked at a local funeral home and she could probably get me a job. It turns out people are reading my blogs after all, I just did not know it. She painted a picture that no longer made me think this booming business would be an ideal place for me. Masks and a tailored black suit were required. I won’t wear either one.
The most novel company to which I applied is a centralized kitchen with some really good-looking food that gets delivered in the downtown area. I started the onboarding process. Miraculously my 10-year-old Subaru was not too old nor was my 65-year-old body. I passed the background check and the MVR check. I took the test on how to operate the app but found I did not do so well. I know what happens when you get a “ping” and I liked the fact that they bring the food to my door and the hungry recipient must retrieve their food from my door. It pays $4.5 per delivery. How many deliveries do you think I could make in an hour in a city that is totally under construction? They have not yet rejected me.
Hauling Around the Disabled
My pastor was told by his wife (because even she read my blog) that I needed a job. He passed a lead that got me an interview. Federal mandates require a mask. This week’s Supreme court ruling might overturn this in time. Part of the compensation was I could have anything I wanted from the food bank. I have never been paid with food from a food bank before. Feels pathetic. A double whammy is that it requires a DOT physical as well. I did however have the correct endorsement on my license not that it matters.
Friends Who Love Me
Because I am broke and not eating out, my restaurant friends all think I died. One checked on me and said to come by and he would feed me. We talked about the DOT physical and he said he knew a guy that for $50 cash, I would get one. He said they tell you three times as you make the appointment, “it is $50 cash.” I bet it is attached to a pain clinic.
He even had a lead on a job where I would take a bright shiny new vehicle out for an extended test drive. I would be paid for a road trip to Cincinnati or Fort Wayne. Just driving. No delivery. No wheel chairs. No food. No People. Just driving a new vehicle. I bet I could wear snake skin boots and a fur coat. No masks required alone in the car even though I see people every day wearing masks alone in their car. Masks would certainly endanger the health of an elderly person with diabetes, high blood pressure or sleep apnea. I am not admitting to any of those things of course. Next thing you know Google will put an entry into my medical information bureau profile to further penalize me as if I need an additional penalty to rule me out from being hired.
A Word From the Lord
I culminated the dismal week by building a fire and conversing with the Lord. After all, He has the power to cut through all this absurdity. The heartfelt prayer of a righteous woman (although some would argue if I fall into this category) makes tremendous power available. Let us move the hand of the ONE who moves the world. The sound of heaven touching earth, we want to see your kingdom here. I needed a new approach to the job search. I made a list of my attributes but God already knows as he actually DESIGNED me this way. He told me when we pray, God’s power is released and made available to bring victory and breakthrough into even impossible situations. And this dear friends is a most impossible situation. That heavenly encounter deserves a story of its own and I will link it when it is complete. Now that I see many of you are reading my sad story, if you are not too mortified by what you know about me, please send a referral for any part-time job leads.
Geriactric Starlet Needs Job Series
Polly Riddell writing as G. Polly Jordan is a geriatric starlet in need of employment. She connectes people and the stories they tell.