Old But Well-Maintained

It is January, it is cold, I am 65 and need a job…again. My work as a notary and loan signing agent has dried up to nothing and I loved doing that job. I have never gotten a job by applying on some job board. My jobs come through relationships. I posted to my friends that as a geriatric starlet, I was in need of a job, a special job that I can do around all my eccentricities.

One of my biggest cheerleaders attested to my grand abilities. I had taken her father on a driving adventure in search of his “lost” houseboat. We spent the day together going from marina to marina in search of his boat he let go of years before. His daughter attested that if I could handle him, I could handle anything. She calls me a Renaissance Woman. I need an employer who thinks like her.

Friends all suggested the job boards. Job number one that I thought I could tolerate is a driver for old and disabled people. I can do that. I have done that. I am kind and compassionate, a safe driver with old school dependability. You drive your own car. Turns out my brand new 10-year-old Subaru is too old for their criteria. Just like me it has been well maintained. A recent hit and run gave me the good fortune to get a new body for the car. I then spent the very last of my savings for the maintenance needed at nearly 200,000 miles because I need to drive that car another 200,000 or until I die which ever comes first. Every mechanical part was replaced except tires. I will need those in the spring. Everyone admires my bronze Subaru with the custom leather lizard seats that matches my snake skin cowboy boots. People cannot believe the car is ten years old with 179,000 miles. They also don’t believe I look anywhere near 65. I just can’t lie about any of this. The final straw on that job application is you had to agree to install an app that tracks your every movement even when you are not on the job. I stopped right there. Facebook is already doing that.

I ruled out all jobs that required a mask or a jab. We don’t need to make this in to a conspiracy theorist post.

I searched for “immediate hire” jobs and those are still on the job board after 30 days. I searched for “work from home jobs.” They would like for you to have a Bachelor’s degree, high speed internet, a more modern computer than my Subaru and they feel for the education and equipment requirements I would be worth $11-12 per hour. Next, I applied for work that required being a notary. Carvana needs a person to coordinate the delivery of a new car to the door of the new owner. I can do it. I even know how to close and notarize auto loan paperwork. As much as I love driving adventures, I can handle the car transporter vehicle but I bet the destinations are all in Carmel land of the roundabout.

My phone just miraculously rang with an offer for an interview. The interview location is in “the last parking lot before the bridge” inside the CSX rail yard and there is no actual building. Do you know how large rail yards are? I guess I look for someone in the parking lot that wants to give me a drug test. I think the interview is a test to see how resourceful I am as a driver in a busy train yard. This is no problem. I used to manage the safety program for Union Pacific Railroad. In the rail yard I toured, they had signs everywhere with their safety motto, “Ask yourself what could go wrong!” I am about to find out.

My dream job is touring the country in an RV meeting people and writing stories. I would like to work for a philanthropic organization that not only pays me to do this but will also give generously to all the people who are old and trying to make it on their lack of retirement planning.

I need a “sit down” sort of job as I cannot comfortably stand for long. I can sit at my desk, I can sit in my car, I can sit in a restaurant sampling fine food. I like to encourage people. I can talk to anyone anywhere about anything as long as I am sitting. I need flexibility. I am not a team player. I don’t play by the rules. I am a risk taker. I need to be the boss, and work independently. I am an entrepreneur who has run out of energy to start something new. Thankfully I can still find humor in the absurdity of old age.